Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
