I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
