i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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