Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
