The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
