almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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