So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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