Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
