Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
