I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
