Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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