She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
