I cannot find my penis.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize