dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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