I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
