I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
