this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
