she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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