I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
