My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
