im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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