I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
