i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
