currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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