i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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