ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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