I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
