I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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