this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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