actually, I'm a sock model
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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