You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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