Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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