I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
