Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize