Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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