Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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