I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
