I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
