I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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