So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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