Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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