This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
