3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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