Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
