If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
