in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
