we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
