I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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