I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
