All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
