I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
