Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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