Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
