I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
