do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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