the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
