Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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