The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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