I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We need to get me chipped asap
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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