I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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