He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
