wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
