Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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