i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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