Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a search helicopter?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
