Just fell off a train. Bad.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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