Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
