By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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